Blog/Short Stories

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Welcome to the boondocks!

June 15, 2017

  Welcome to Melbourne, Florida! A charming town on the Space Coast, strategically located not-far-from-anything-yet-close-to-nothing. Melbourne is also known as “Melboring,” “Ten miles past where Jesus lost his sandals,” and, as they say in the DR, “Where The Devil howled three times and no one heard him.”

      Moving to Melbourne implies becoming an expert in Florida geography – trying to explain to family and friends where home is. “It's three hours north from Miami, two hours south from Daytona Beach. Have you ever heard of Cape Canaveral? Do you remember that old TV series I Dream of Jeannie, happening in the town of 'Cocoa Beach?' No, it's not there, but not too far from there.” Eventually, I just gave up and simply said, “Close enough to Orlando.”

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homeostasis

June 5, 2017

My mother used to say, “Daring the Devil isn’t the same as seeing him arrive.”

Her advice crossed my mind as I stood at the courthouse, pen in hand, staring at the still wet ink on the papers in front of me.

The documents had been signed.  My divorce was official. I was single.

A single woman—in my thirties—living in the United States.

For a terrifying instant, I remembered watching Sex and the City for the first time, when I’d nearly died of embarrassment.

Was THAT what was expected of me?

Uh-oh. I was in deep trouble!

the naked man

The first naked man I saw in my life was a cadaver. I was sixteen and a precocious college freshman. Around that time I had second thoughts about the crazy idea of signing up for medical school and knew that, unless I could prove myself able to face the morgue without fainting, it was a lost cause.

CPR

“Either my libido is dead for good... or I'm a lesbian and I still don't know it.”

The conversation with myself had been ongoing for a couple of days. It was my attempt to find a logical explanation for the fact that I had been celibate now for a year and a half and the thought of having sex with a man did not turn me on and instead was vaguely unpleasant.